Fight Like Hell; Raising Awareness

Lance Armstrong once said, "We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up or fight like hell."

I'm gonna go with fight like hell. How bout you?

Each year the government, along with private "investors" pay doctors and researchers to help find a cure for AIDS. So far, since the infection was first reported in 1981 by the CDC, there have been major breakthroughs. People can now live years on medication while being HIV positive and the disease not progress into AIDS for a very long time. Even without treatment one can learn that he or she is HIV positive and live for years before AIDS becomes a "hindrance" to them and they eventual die from it.

In 2008, AIDS research was given roughly 16 billion dollars globally. There are many studies being done on patients who are HIV positive, have AIDS already, and also on patients that have died from the disease. Prevention in many cases is possible.

This is not about AIDS. This is about 21,000 women in America who die each year due to lack of research, knowledge, and funding.

This is about cancer. And no, I'm not talking about breast cancer for the 80 billionth time. Breast cancer awareness is everywhere you turn. It has more followers on facebook than the President.

I'm talking about Ovarian Cancer. It is the same mutated cancerous gene as breast cancer but far less is known about it. 79% of women are diagnosed with ovarian cancer in stage IV...thats the last stage, for those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about.

I'm going to tell you what the reasons are that it isn't caught sooner.

• One, because of the symptoms. By the time a woman has noticeable symptoms she's already in stage IV.

• Two, there are really only two ways to know if you might have ovarian cancer. The first is with a transvaginal ultrasound, which is not routine. The other is a blood test called CA-125 which is, also, not routine.

Even if your CA-125 levels are off a bit, it still may not indicate ovarian cancer. There are a few reasons the levels could be out of balance. One is that you may have a benign cyst, the doctor will tell you to wait a few weeks and come back to check the levels again. But what if you already have ovarian cancer? Those few weeks are critical. The transvaginal ultrasound is a bit more reliable but not by much. This will also show what may be benign cysts, only if the cysts are without a doubt abnormal is your doctor going to not want to wait a few weeks and check back.


While your doctor is waiting, your cancer may be spreading and/or getting worse. Do you want to take that chance?

While Breast Cancer is a serious thing, a rather noninvasive surgery can be done. A small biopsy can be taken and sent off. To do a similar biopsy when Ovarian Cancer is a possibility they have to go in through your abdomen which becomes very invasive.

Research, or just years experience, has helped us gain the knowledge to make an "at risk" test called Brac1 and Brac2. This is also a blood test that looks at the genes consistent with Breast and Ovarian cancers to see if there is any type of mutation.

Breast and Ovarian cancer are hereditary. So if your grandmother had breast cancer you could be at risk for either of these. The more common it is among your family the higher your chances are of developing one of these diseases.

The Brac test doesn't mean that you will definitely get cancer, nor does it mean that you already have cancer. What the Brac test will do is tell you if you are at risk of maybe later developing cancer.

What if the test says you are at risk? Well, for one, your medical insurance company could treat you differently, your rates could change because you are "at risk". How is that even fair?! What can you do to keep from maybe developing cancer? Have surgery. Have your ovaries removed. If you are at high risk thats the only way to ensure you won't develop the disease.

They think, based on the small amount of research done, that taking the birth control pill lowers your chances. But not by much. You are still at risk, you can still develop it, and you could still die from it. Remember that by the time you show symptoms you're often in stage IV.

So how is it that more research isn't being done on this, "silent killer"? Each year billions of dollars are spent on research for other things. Things that can be detected early, treated, and things you can live with, healthy and happy, for years. Not even half of that is spent on ovarian cancer research, roughly 6 million dollars a year.

I'm currently trying to find an Ovarian Cancer research study to join. Anything I can find that I'm eligible for, not only for my benefit but for others as well. The studies I've found are being done on women that have been treated once and the cancer is recurring. Those are the few lucky women that happen to detect the disease early somehow. I'm more than willing to do whatever it would take to be part of a study that could help doctors understand, lower risks, or treat Ovarian cancer. If there was more of an awareness, more funding, more research, I could be part of that. I could be part of saving a life or making life a little better for a sister, a mother, a daughter, an aunt, or a friend.

You see, I'm at the highest risk for developing ovarian cancer, as is my sister. Our aunt passed away two months ago at the age of 41 due to ovarian cancer. She died on December 2nd. The first time she had any symptom of the disease was October 2nd. In further research we have since found that our great-great grandmother and great grandmother also died of this disease. Our great grandmother was just 31 years old when she passed, leaving behind her husband and young children.

My options right now are limited. I'm 22 years old, I have no children and there is a very likely chance I'll later develop ovarian cancer. I could get the surgery and never have kids. But who can make such a decision on such limited information at the age of 22? I know I can't.

So my hope is to raise a little awareness for those of you that may be unaware of what this disease is about and how many lives it claims. So that you can tell others and be aware of the signs so it doesn't claim more lives.

I know what this does to families. I know what it feels like to go through it and watch it happen. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, so please be aware. Listen to your body. Don't dismiss little things, they can add up. And seriously, talk to your doctor! If we can raise the awareness and get more research done and learn more about this. My kids might not have to go through what my aunt did, or their kids, or my niece, or someone you love.

You can follow this link to Ovations here you will find all the symptoms listed. Along with other ways to help raise awareness. Please don't dismiss this, its very serious. Just take a second to check it out.

Vacation

I know you've got stuff going on. I wish I could fix it, at least help a little. I can't, but you have to know I would try everything I could. You've done so much for me, I hate to ask for more. But I need someone and you're always my someone. You're my person. Everybody is caught up in this. I need a break. Something to take my mind off things. Something to be normal, constant.

People keep telling me, "you're stronger then you think". No! I know I'm strong, I've proven that, to myself and other people. This is a lot to handle. Even for a strong person. I'm a fighter, I'm not giving up, don't think that. I just can't do it alone.

Strong people need help sometimes too. I'm not asking for help, just support. I want something normal, something I can count on, right now I can't count on anything. I need a constant.

God is constant. I know that. I read my bible. I pray. I talk to God. I go to church. I went to a Christian high school. I know. So please don't tell me that. We all need a little help sometimes. I'm just asking for a hand. Someone to stand by me, behind me, support me, talk to me, love me.

Its a promise. It never goes away. Please don't turn your back. We can help each other.

Constant. Solid. Always.

I've been through a lot. At least it felt that way then.

I think I'm strong. "I'm a good man in a storm."

Right now I feel like I'm sinking.

Keep waiting for someone to grab my hand.

Hasn't happened.

I don't want to say I need help.

I don't.

Just need a break.

I feel alone.

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Está escrito en mi muñeca.

You were strong when I couldn't be. When I didn't know how to be.

There when no one else was.

Siempre

You try to hold it all together when its really falling apart.

Ships sink.

Walls break.

Steal bends.

Jesus walked the earth as a man until he died. He had parents. They supported him. He had friends. They followed him. One may even say they, "had his back". He had God. He supported him, followed him, "had his back", guided him, listened to him, comforted him. God gave him the people in his life because God knew they were supposed to be there.

He had a Heavenly Father, but God gave him one on earth to watch and help him grow. He had a friend in God, but God gave him one on earth to support and help him when he grew weary. As even Jesus did at times. All of these people God put in his life to help him, to see him through, to fellowship with him.

Even Jesus had other people to lean on. We have all we need in God. All we need is all God gives us. He gives us people to lean on when we are weary, when we are hurt, and when we need to have fun and fellowship. You shouldn't walk away from the things God has given you. He doesn't expect us to be perfect and not need help. He only asks that we strive to be better and more like Him. To do that we must use the tools we've been given. Those are sometimes the people in our lives. Not all of them, but you know the ones, you'll always know.

Its okay to break down. Its okay to cry. Its okay to not be perfect and put together all the time. Its okay to not be able to pick up someone else's pieces.

The only way we can pick up the pieces of others is if they help us pick up our own.

Everyone has pieces and everyone's pieces fall. Its a two way street.

When you are weak, I'll be strong. If I'm not, we'll be strong together. Two heads are better than one and two halves make a whole.

If you ever find yourself in pieces you know who to call, first God, then someone who can help you pick them up. You can call me, always.

No one is perfect. Everyone falls.

Its how you get back up thats important.

OH, WHY YOU LOOK SO SAD?

TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES

COME ON AND COME TO ME NOW

DON'T BE ASHAMED TO CRY

LET ME SEE YOU THROUGH

'CAUSE I'VE SEEN THE DARK SIDE TOO

WHEN THE NIGHT FALLS ON YOU

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

NOTHING YOU CONFESS

COULD MAKE ME LOVE YOU LESS

I'LL STAND BY YOU

SO IF YOU'RE MAD, GET MAD

DON'T HOLD IT ALL INSIDE

COME ON AND TALK TO ME NOW

HEY, WHAT YOU GOT TO HIDE?

I GET ANGRY TOO

WELL I'M A LOT LIKE YOU

WHEN YOU'RE STANDING AT THE CROSSROADS

AND DON'T KNOW WHICH PATH TO CHOOSE

LET ME COME ALONG

'CAUSE EVEN IF YOU'RE WRONG

I'LL STAND BY YOU

Be the friend we all want. One that picks up the pieces, not the one that throws more down.

y luego vimos Hairspray en nuestra ropa interior

Red Sam

Great song! I listen to it turned all the way up...I just like it 'cause its called 'Red Sam' and thats all me. Iconator.com >> Icons >> Other >> Red Sam - Flyleaf

Never underestimate

The first step to every journey feels like a leap. Only because its unknown, I wish we could fast forward a little and see that everything works out. That would save people a lot of stress and worry. On the other hand, I don't think people would pray as much. They already have a problem with that as it is. Prayer is all that we can truly rely on to get us through those unknown leaps. Its a leap of faith for a reason. The doubts we have and that voice in your head that says "what if" and "what are you thinking" those are just words. Thats not something we can put any stock into, its pointless. We can take leaps of faith and they will work out. Here's the thing though, if you take a leap of faith and it doesn't work out. You still took a leap and there are still people who think you're awesome and can do anything. A lot of people never take that leap. What if you don't take a chance, you never experience the full life you could've had. Stress is normal, doubt is the devil.

Now to take my own advice. Sigh.

1...2...3...GO!

The House That Built Me...if you haven't heard it, find it, listen to it! The first time I heard that song I must admit I got a little teary eyed. As my parents and I, along with my grandpa, redo a new house in Columbus, Ga I have a mixture of feelings. Not only is my family moving out of the only house I ever grew up in but I am moving from Statesboro (where I've been for almost 4 years) to be with them.

Yeah it will be great to be with my family and not worry so much about money for rent and school. What is getting to me is that I'm leaving some of the greatest people four hours away. All of my friends minus a very few are in Statesboro. I know nobody in Columbus/Pine Mountain. Scary! Its okay I know I'll make friends, I'm good at that, I mean come on, I'm funny and awesome! So its bitter sweet, it'll be an adventure, and I'll get to be there while Toby and Jay grow up. It's going to be great!

I have to keep telling myself that. I just moved the last of my stuff out and handed over the keys to my house in Statesboro. It has been told to me several times that I will visit often. Trust me I will! In the beginning it will be weird though. I'm ready for that. What I'm not ready for is to move all that stuff that I took from Statesboro to Pine Mountain and not to North Augusta. I have lived there my entire life. I don't really like the idea of the boys having such a totally different childhood then Stephanie and I had. They won't go to the schools we both grew up at, or the same church. Its all very weird.

Thats why that song upset me. All the memories I have basically are of that house or of Augusta in general. I did my homework there, hit my sister in the eye with a wooden block in that living room. I watched them turn our back porch into an office for my dad and remember when his business was too big and they built a place further out for him. Now I'm just rambling. So...

With change comes growth and now I'll have new memories in a new house. I'll do my homework there too, maybe I can even talk Stephanie into letting me hit her again. I'll make different friends, not new ones to replace the old ones, thats not possible. Just different ones. Who knows they might even be better then the friends I have now. Shh don't tell them I said that. I really am excited, and nervous. I just want all of the back and forth to be over so my emotion and my brain can relax and settle somewhere.

Lacking isn't something I want to do

Just a short note on my priorities not feeling straight in my head.

I have this friend that is a better friend then anyone deserves. Isn't that what we all want? Friends that we trust and can talk to, that make us laugh and we can be our complete fool selves. Thats what I want. Just good friends. We want that, its hard to come by. Its hard because, though thats what we want, thats not what we are. I sit here and think I have great friends that would basically do anything for me without much question. Am I that kind of friend? I know I want to be, more then anything and I hope that I am. Deep down though I know I'm not. I take more then I give. I ask more then I answer. We are all guilty of it. Nobody can be perfect all the time, but some people really try. I do. It never works though.

I'd do anything for my friends, really I would. If somebody called me on the East coast and said they needed me to pick them up from New Mexico, all I'd say would be, "Can I sleep fast before I leave?". I feel like I try to be a great perfect friend, but its not good enough, or I just can't stay focused on that. So I let the people I care about the most down. I hate that more than anything else ever. Again I'll try and maybe this time I'll do better, remind myself more. Even if that does not work, I'll keep trying.

Just venting or rambling. Not sure which. Had to get that out of my head though and this is the best way I know. To those I feel I let down. I'm sorry. More sorry then you could imagine. Next time I do this how about just slap me in the face with my own words. It won't change my apologies but I will try more and do better. I promise, forever, even when I'm not a really great friend, I'll be there, trying, always.

A Few of The Rules I Like To Live By

1. Never make a threat you don't intend to carry out.

2. Never say always, unless you mean, forever no matter what, always.

3. Choose your battles wisely, never fight unless you can win, or at least prove a point.

4. Learn to compromise when its needed.

5. Don't, under any circumstances doubt the trust you have in people who have never given you a reason not to trust them.

6. Its not always good to think before you speak, but be wise to your words and stand by what you say.

7. Never take things for granted, not even the small things. "Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened."

8. Never give up, never surrender. Push through the tough times you face, you'll be stronger in the end for it.

9. Don't let anyone push you around. Stand up for yourself.

10. Be an honest and loyal friend only to those that are worthy.

11. Do your best or do nothing.

12. Never put all your eggs in one basket.

13. No cutting, there are no shortcuts in life, if you find one and take it, its the lazy way and you won't get the full reward.

14. Always remember there is safety in numbers, don't rely only on yourself all the time; two heads are better than one, you can always use another set of eyes, and being a self righteous loner can get ugly and lonely.

15. Trust God's word, it will never lead you down the wrong path.

When We Took God Out...Where'd We Put Him?

Elementary/Middle School Killings

1927 – Bath, Michigan – Deadliest school-related killing in U.S. history/"the worst act of terrorism in the U.S. until the Oklahoma City bombing"

1979 – San Diego, California

1983 – St. Louis, Missouri

1988 – Winnetka, Illinois

1988 – Greenwood, South Carolina

2006 – Lancaster County, Pennsylvania


High School/College Killings

1966 – Austin, Texas – Second deadliest shooting on a college campus

1974 – Olean, New York

1982 – Hot Springs, Arkansas

1983 – Ithaca, New York

1985 – Kansas

1987 – Missouri

1991 – Iowa City, Iowa

1992 – Olivehurst, California

1992 – Great Barrington, Massachusetts

1993 – Grayson, Kentucky

1995 – Lynnville, Tennessee

1996 – Moses Lake, Washington

1996 – University Park, Pennsylvania

1996 – West Lafayette, Indiana

1997 – Bethel, Alaska

1997 – Pearl, Mississippi

1997 – West Paducah, Kentucky

1998 – Jonesboro, Arkansas

1998 – Edinboro, Pennsylvania

1998 – Springfield, Oregon

1999 – Littleton, Colorado

2001 – Santee, California

2002 – Grundy, Virginia

2002 – Tucson, Arizona

2003 – New Orleans, Louisiana

2003 – Red Lion, Pennsylvania

2003 – Cleveland, Ohio

2003 – Cold Spring, Minnesota

2004 – Washington, D.C.

2004 – Palmetto Bay, Florida

2005 – Red Lake, Minnesota

2005 – Jacksboro, Tennessee

2006 – Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

2006 – Bailey, Colorado

2007 – Los Angeles County, California

2007 – Midland, Michigan

2007 – Blacksburg, Virginia – Deadliest shooting on a college campus/Second deadliest school-related killing in U.S. history

2008 - Dekalb, Illinois





This is a list of "top" school related killings (top, meaning most severe). Not a list of tragedies in the United States, not a list of shootings in the United States. Do you see how long this list is? Too long. This isn't even half of the horrific things that have happened in the U.S. or even close to a fourth of the things that have occurred in the world. Look at this list, the first school killing occurred in 1927, the next school killing didn't occur until 1966, almost forty years later, then again five years later in 1974 and so on. Since then, increasingly, what has now become almost every year, there have been multiple school-related killings.



There are forty-five schools on this list and twenty-three years, thats roughly 2 schools a year since 1927.



The majority of these killings occurred after 1995. Some of you may be wondering what happened that year that seems to mark somewhat of a turning point in American history. That year, in 1995, is the year the supreme court ruled to "take God out of schools". I'm not saying this was the cause of rise in school-related killings, just a coincidence.



As the number of killings increase we need to pray. Pray for God to move and work in our nation. Pray for the families of those who are killed and those who kill. Originally when I wrote this the day was April twentieth, two-thousand and seven. The day that marked the eighth anniversary of the tragic events of Columbine High School, just four days after the even greater tragedy of Virginia Tech. Both of these events have been engraved in our history and our minds forever. We may not be able to stop these things from happening but we should be able to support the people they happen to and pray that it ends. If you are not a person of prayer then I ask that you just remember the people effected by these events, so their lives may not have been altered or ended in vain. Also, stop and ask yourself a serious question, "what is this world coming to?"



"Without suffering there would be no compassion."

Blut Ist Dicker Als Wasser

Blood is thicker than water. It was originally German but along with everything else, America has taken it and made it their own. It still has the same basic meaning but over the years its umbrella has broadened and it has become about more than just family but the closest of friends that one has.

Blood, sweat, and tears go into every relationship that is really worth having. Without those things there is really no emotion, no attachment. Its a superficial relationship otherwise, no depth, no real conversation. You're limited to the topics of weather, music, and most often the classes you happen to be taking that week. You have those awkward pity laughs and the lull in conversations where someone sighs and stares down as they swish liquid around in their cup just before looking up with that "this is uncomfortable" grin. Why have a relationship that is forced? Whats the point? There can't be one, at least I can not think of the benefit of it. You have your friends that you have fun with and you have your friends that know about your life and you have fun with. There are always maybe a handful of people that are more than that though, the people that see you through all of it, the blood, the sweat, the tears, they're there through it all. Its not the people you share a cup of coffee with cause you happen to see them in the line at starbucks, or the people you make meaningless babble with at the soda machine. Its the people that see you cry while you're crying, not after when your eyes are red. Its the people that sit on the floor and cry with you, not the people that tell you you've done something wrong and ignore the fact that your heart is breaking. Its the people who give you a band-aid and peroxide when you cut your leg shaving. Some may say that your family are the only people you can constantly rely on and trust. In some cases wouldn't we rather make our own family. Its not about who is obligated to stick around or be by your side, its about the people that don't have to be but are anyways. Loyalty, trust, faith, ...did I mention trust, and blood, sweat, and tears. Its about the things we go through and the people that are not only there at the end of it but the people that you see beside you through it all. Blood is thicker than water, you can't share a lunch hour with someone and expect much or call them your best friend, you must share your life with them, trials and tribulations, random banter about nothing to just pass the time and unwind.

This I'm sure has proved to be nothing more than babel to most of you. But I needed to write it, I needed to at least try and explain my feelings on the subject of loyalty and the levels of friendship and relationships in general.

If by not letting others say things that are in my opinion blasphemous and utter slander about people that have been better friends in a short time and have helped me through more things than I can say most people go through in their lives, you think I'm wrong or stupid or this makes me a bad friend to those who are saying it, disloyal or whatever you choose to believe. Then I'd like to say something to you, blood is thicker than water, and I'd like to think my parents did a great job raising me to be the best person I could be and you should really rethink your loyalties if you will sit by and let someone talk about somebody that has been nothing but loyal to you. Even if the person hasn't been anything but loyal, you are no better than the person telling these blasphemous tales. And having a friend like you, thank you, but no thank you. Trust, loyalty, the good and the bad, thats what friends are.

I'm more me now than I have been, I get by with a little help from my friends.

----------------
Now playing: The Beatles - With a Little Help From My Friends
via FoxyTunes

Election '08

On Tuesday, November 4th of 2008 history was made. After a double term in the white house, the republicans lost the Presidential election to a democrat. This democrat won states that had previously always been won by the republican candidate....wait is that not what yall thought I was talking about when I said history had been made?! Oh oh yeah I see, okay, yes the first black president was elected in yesterday's election. That is amazing! Everyone had their doubts it would happen, an African-American president, well it did folks and yes we did sit and watch our country change right before our eyes as history was made.
So now that history has been made can we move on? Right now seeing as it is November 5th and we know who will be our president, it doesn't matter what color he is. What matters now is that he is a good leader and takes care of our country the best way he knows possible. Sure you may not have voted for him, I didn't, I was a strong McCain/Palin supporter, but you did vote which shows me that at least some of you do actually care about our country. If you didn't vote, you have no right to complain or celebrate, so please just sit back and watch, maybe you'll be brave enough to take a stand in the next election. I am writing this to voters; republicans, democrats, and independents alike, the choice has been made, maybe not by you but by the majority of our country, they see this man to be the most fit for the job and tasks laid out before him.
We as Americans, citizens of the UNITED States of America, must forget our opinions and the buttons we pushed on November 4th and stand behind the leader of our country. He may have ideas that you do not agree with and some of his supporters may be ignorant to the needs of our country, they may have just focused on race and solely that but he is our president. It is now his duty to do what is in the best interest of this free country we live in, ALL OF US, not just the people that voted for him, everyone. That being said, as president that is his duty, as American's our duty is to support him. So far he has made no mistakes as president, he is well educated, and as far as we can tell he is a caring family man.
So stop saying all these things about how everyone that said they were leaving the country if Obama was elected needs to leave and not talk trash if you can't back it up. Stop saying that the black people are going to take over our country. Stop believing that it was only the "poor" blacks of America that wanted him as president. The things you are saying aren't true, everyone said things during the election that they won't stand behind, sadly that is the nature of Americans. Barack Obama is now our president and we should support him because of that, not because of his race but because America, and I believe God, had a plan and saw fit to make him our next president. Yes things are going to change, things always do when a new man is elected as President. By supporting our president you aren't necessarily supporting the man himself, you are supporting our county. Right now with the shape our country is in, mentally, physically, financially, we need to support her, no matter what. This isn't a big step for blacks, this is a big step for America, get it right.

We are the UNITED States of America!
"One nation, under God, INDIVISIBLE, with liberty, and justice for ALL"