Vacation

I know you've got stuff going on. I wish I could fix it, at least help a little. I can't, but you have to know I would try everything I could. You've done so much for me, I hate to ask for more. But I need someone and you're always my someone. You're my person. Everybody is caught up in this. I need a break. Something to take my mind off things. Something to be normal, constant.

People keep telling me, "you're stronger then you think". No! I know I'm strong, I've proven that, to myself and other people. This is a lot to handle. Even for a strong person. I'm a fighter, I'm not giving up, don't think that. I just can't do it alone.

Strong people need help sometimes too. I'm not asking for help, just support. I want something normal, something I can count on, right now I can't count on anything. I need a constant.

God is constant. I know that. I read my bible. I pray. I talk to God. I go to church. I went to a Christian high school. I know. So please don't tell me that. We all need a little help sometimes. I'm just asking for a hand. Someone to stand by me, behind me, support me, talk to me, love me.

Its a promise. It never goes away. Please don't turn your back. We can help each other.

Constant. Solid. Always.

I've been through a lot. At least it felt that way then.

I think I'm strong. "I'm a good man in a storm."

Right now I feel like I'm sinking.

Keep waiting for someone to grab my hand.

Hasn't happened.

I don't want to say I need help.

I don't.

Just need a break.

I feel alone.

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Está escrito en mi muñeca.

You were strong when I couldn't be. When I didn't know how to be.

There when no one else was.

Siempre

You try to hold it all together when its really falling apart.

Ships sink.

Walls break.

Steal bends.

Jesus walked the earth as a man until he died. He had parents. They supported him. He had friends. They followed him. One may even say they, "had his back". He had God. He supported him, followed him, "had his back", guided him, listened to him, comforted him. God gave him the people in his life because God knew they were supposed to be there.

He had a Heavenly Father, but God gave him one on earth to watch and help him grow. He had a friend in God, but God gave him one on earth to support and help him when he grew weary. As even Jesus did at times. All of these people God put in his life to help him, to see him through, to fellowship with him.

Even Jesus had other people to lean on. We have all we need in God. All we need is all God gives us. He gives us people to lean on when we are weary, when we are hurt, and when we need to have fun and fellowship. You shouldn't walk away from the things God has given you. He doesn't expect us to be perfect and not need help. He only asks that we strive to be better and more like Him. To do that we must use the tools we've been given. Those are sometimes the people in our lives. Not all of them, but you know the ones, you'll always know.

Its okay to break down. Its okay to cry. Its okay to not be perfect and put together all the time. Its okay to not be able to pick up someone else's pieces.

The only way we can pick up the pieces of others is if they help us pick up our own.

Everyone has pieces and everyone's pieces fall. Its a two way street.

When you are weak, I'll be strong. If I'm not, we'll be strong together. Two heads are better than one and two halves make a whole.

If you ever find yourself in pieces you know who to call, first God, then someone who can help you pick them up. You can call me, always.

No one is perfect. Everyone falls.

Its how you get back up thats important.

OH, WHY YOU LOOK SO SAD?

TEARS ARE IN YOUR EYES

COME ON AND COME TO ME NOW

DON'T BE ASHAMED TO CRY

LET ME SEE YOU THROUGH

'CAUSE I'VE SEEN THE DARK SIDE TOO

WHEN THE NIGHT FALLS ON YOU

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

NOTHING YOU CONFESS

COULD MAKE ME LOVE YOU LESS

I'LL STAND BY YOU

SO IF YOU'RE MAD, GET MAD

DON'T HOLD IT ALL INSIDE

COME ON AND TALK TO ME NOW

HEY, WHAT YOU GOT TO HIDE?

I GET ANGRY TOO

WELL I'M A LOT LIKE YOU

WHEN YOU'RE STANDING AT THE CROSSROADS

AND DON'T KNOW WHICH PATH TO CHOOSE

LET ME COME ALONG

'CAUSE EVEN IF YOU'RE WRONG

I'LL STAND BY YOU

Be the friend we all want. One that picks up the pieces, not the one that throws more down.

y luego vimos Hairspray en nuestra ropa interior

Red Sam

Great song! I listen to it turned all the way up...I just like it 'cause its called 'Red Sam' and thats all me. Iconator.com >> Icons >> Other >> Red Sam - Flyleaf

Never underestimate

The first step to every journey feels like a leap. Only because its unknown, I wish we could fast forward a little and see that everything works out. That would save people a lot of stress and worry. On the other hand, I don't think people would pray as much. They already have a problem with that as it is. Prayer is all that we can truly rely on to get us through those unknown leaps. Its a leap of faith for a reason. The doubts we have and that voice in your head that says "what if" and "what are you thinking" those are just words. Thats not something we can put any stock into, its pointless. We can take leaps of faith and they will work out. Here's the thing though, if you take a leap of faith and it doesn't work out. You still took a leap and there are still people who think you're awesome and can do anything. A lot of people never take that leap. What if you don't take a chance, you never experience the full life you could've had. Stress is normal, doubt is the devil.

Now to take my own advice. Sigh.

1...2...3...GO!

The House That Built Me...if you haven't heard it, find it, listen to it! The first time I heard that song I must admit I got a little teary eyed. As my parents and I, along with my grandpa, redo a new house in Columbus, Ga I have a mixture of feelings. Not only is my family moving out of the only house I ever grew up in but I am moving from Statesboro (where I've been for almost 4 years) to be with them.

Yeah it will be great to be with my family and not worry so much about money for rent and school. What is getting to me is that I'm leaving some of the greatest people four hours away. All of my friends minus a very few are in Statesboro. I know nobody in Columbus/Pine Mountain. Scary! Its okay I know I'll make friends, I'm good at that, I mean come on, I'm funny and awesome! So its bitter sweet, it'll be an adventure, and I'll get to be there while Toby and Jay grow up. It's going to be great!

I have to keep telling myself that. I just moved the last of my stuff out and handed over the keys to my house in Statesboro. It has been told to me several times that I will visit often. Trust me I will! In the beginning it will be weird though. I'm ready for that. What I'm not ready for is to move all that stuff that I took from Statesboro to Pine Mountain and not to North Augusta. I have lived there my entire life. I don't really like the idea of the boys having such a totally different childhood then Stephanie and I had. They won't go to the schools we both grew up at, or the same church. Its all very weird.

Thats why that song upset me. All the memories I have basically are of that house or of Augusta in general. I did my homework there, hit my sister in the eye with a wooden block in that living room. I watched them turn our back porch into an office for my dad and remember when his business was too big and they built a place further out for him. Now I'm just rambling. So...

With change comes growth and now I'll have new memories in a new house. I'll do my homework there too, maybe I can even talk Stephanie into letting me hit her again. I'll make different friends, not new ones to replace the old ones, thats not possible. Just different ones. Who knows they might even be better then the friends I have now. Shh don't tell them I said that. I really am excited, and nervous. I just want all of the back and forth to be over so my emotion and my brain can relax and settle somewhere.

Lacking isn't something I want to do

Just a short note on my priorities not feeling straight in my head.

I have this friend that is a better friend then anyone deserves. Isn't that what we all want? Friends that we trust and can talk to, that make us laugh and we can be our complete fool selves. Thats what I want. Just good friends. We want that, its hard to come by. Its hard because, though thats what we want, thats not what we are. I sit here and think I have great friends that would basically do anything for me without much question. Am I that kind of friend? I know I want to be, more then anything and I hope that I am. Deep down though I know I'm not. I take more then I give. I ask more then I answer. We are all guilty of it. Nobody can be perfect all the time, but some people really try. I do. It never works though.

I'd do anything for my friends, really I would. If somebody called me on the East coast and said they needed me to pick them up from New Mexico, all I'd say would be, "Can I sleep fast before I leave?". I feel like I try to be a great perfect friend, but its not good enough, or I just can't stay focused on that. So I let the people I care about the most down. I hate that more than anything else ever. Again I'll try and maybe this time I'll do better, remind myself more. Even if that does not work, I'll keep trying.

Just venting or rambling. Not sure which. Had to get that out of my head though and this is the best way I know. To those I feel I let down. I'm sorry. More sorry then you could imagine. Next time I do this how about just slap me in the face with my own words. It won't change my apologies but I will try more and do better. I promise, forever, even when I'm not a really great friend, I'll be there, trying, always.